I think I am somewhat of a fear junkie. It’s not because I like it. Trust me on that. Rather, I am simply used to it. I have lived life from the baseline of fear for a long time. And no matter how many times I taste freedom, I always seem revert back to the baseline.

I read this today:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6

I’ve seen this verse repeated on tasteless fridge magnets more times than should be allowed. But today, for some reason, it struck me in a new way.

I think I’ve lived life with this verse backwards. Here’s the Funk Standard Bible Version (FSBV): “Lean primarily on your own understanding and then trust God by more ruminating when that doesn’t work. In all your ways ruminate until your crash and maybe you’ll find that straight path.”

You won’t see many people with the FSBV version on their fridge.

My tendency has been to think and feel my way into believing. By that I mean, I have to have everything figured out until the point at which I feel that I can believe, and then I will trust. My feeling state becomes the barometer for whether or not I am safe to trust.

But, isn’t this just the same as “my own understanding”? The very thing I am told not to lean on? This verse seems to be saying, your understanding, your perception, your feeling state is not a dependable source for the weight of your life.

Many of us, especially those of us with OCD need to believe this. OCD wants me to believe that everything I think, everything I feel, every urge, every potential risk is legitimate and needs to be given much attention. Everything is urgent. Nothing is allowed to pass without my mental interrogation. So we do just that. We investigate. Because surely we can’t be incorrect in our perception. Of course not. We know everything! So we ruminate, and ruminate, and then try to sleep, but end up ruminating until we crash. Then we wake up and ruminate again.

Then we will pose our OCD fears to friends as “legitimate spiritual questions,” all the while hoping their heroic answer will triumphantly end all of our worries for the rest of our lives.

How’s that working for you?

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The author here tells us we have an alternative.

And before I even get there, I’m sure you’ll think…”But I am trusting God! This thought could be from Him!”

No, you are trusting yourself. You think that if you can “figure out the thought” you and God will be on good terms. But that’s the problem. As one who has put your faith in Christ, you already are! And that is the call from the Proverbs.

Can you trust God that you are loved by Him in the midst of your uncertainty, fear and worry? When He says, “Be still and know that I am God” can you trust Him to do that? Can you trust that He actually revealed your OCD diagnosis? If you say you can then you need to trust what the author says later IN THE VERY SAME PROVERB:

He gives grace to the afflicted

Proverbs 3:34

Can you cease your rumination and trust that God has grace for you in that very moment? That’s his promise to you as someone afflicted with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. He gives grace to you.

The call here is to rest. It is to take God up on His offer and experience what it is like to live a life not dominated by fear. Fear is not your master. When Christ died for you, He broke the stranglehold it had on your life. You don’t need to live as a slave to it. Intrusive thoughts will come. They always do. But God will always give grace. You can stay in the moment. Knowing that your own understanding is weak and trust Him. You can do all things in Christ who strengthens you. That is faith.

-DFunk