Picture this for a second. You are having a cancer screening. Fun start. You show up to the doctor’s office and sit down. As the doctor begins the screening, you pull out a life size mannequin of yourself. You present it to the doctor and say, “Here you go, proceed with the screening on mannequin me.”

What would the doctor say?

Other than thinking they were being pranked, they would probably kindly ask you to put the mannequin down. The screening of a mannequin is insane. Why? IT’S NOT YOU. We would never do this because in order for a doctor to treat us effectively, we have to bring our real selves, weaknesses and all.

My question is, how often do I do this with God? How often do I present mannequin me to His healing presence? I feel it may be far too often.

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Mannequin me. Why do I bring him around everywhere?

One reason, probably the main one, is I am ashamed I am not farther along in life than I think I should be. I feel guilty for having struggled with issues that others seem to breeze right past.

Mannequin me is my perpetual ideal self. He does not have the same issues that I do. And the minimal issues he does have are not as bad as they could be. Mannequin me is my protection from honesty.

How does mannequin me present himself? In prayer he perks up whenever I feel afraid to admit that I have a problem. Whenever I feel ashamed to ask for help. He perks up in conversations with people from whom I crave approval. He perks up when I see my weaknesses and am overcome with guilt.

Mannequin me. He needs to die. So how do I kill him?

Put simply, Grace.

It’s only grace that can free me from belief that I should be better than I am. I love how Paul puts it.

In my flesh dwells no good thing.

Paul isn’t shocked when he sees his weakness. He isn’t down on himself. In fact, he is confident that he doesn’t have it all together.

But why doesn’t that crush him? How can he press on despite all his weakness.

Because when I am weak, He is strong.

Paul’s confidence rested not in his ability to get it right, but in God’s ability to do anything and in His deep love for him.

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In my mental health struggle, I have to repeatedly remind myself that my depression is a thorn. A thorn that reminds me that I am weak. A thorn that reminds me, painfully, that I need God.

Maybe your mental health struggle is an act of grace on God’s end. A gift to keep you dependent on Him. Dependent on the One who is in fact always able to do above and beyond all we ask or think.

Present your true self to Him, weakness and all, and allow His grace to shower over you as He so desperately wants for you.