Let me qualify this by saying that my mom would be the expert in this area, as she has supported me for nearly 6 years in my struggle with OCD. Regardless, I will try to communicate this in a way that I, as an OCD sufferer, would find helpful.

OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) is a disease that causes a sufferer to react to doubt with extreme anxiety. Often, these fears are seemingly irrational.

• “I think I might have hit someone with my car and not noticed.”
• “Maybe I forgot to unplug the iron and the house will burn down.”
• “If I eat food off of the floor, I will get sick and die”

In these cases, it can be tempting to simply reassure your loved one that they are wrong and give them obvious reasons why that is so.

But, this is actually harmful to the sufferer.

This is the equivalent to putting out a fire with a bottle labeled “Water,” but actually contains gasoline. On the surface, it seems helpful. Ultimately, the problem will worsen.

Instead, you must recognize the true problem. The problem at its core is that the sufferer has OCD.

Some fears however, may not seem irrational.

• “I fear I might have sinned.”
• “I could be doing a better job at ___.”
• “My motives were not pure during ___.”

Though these doubts may seem normal from face value, when a sufferer has OCD, these anxieties are irrational. In the same way then, we do not want to dump gasoline on the fire. The problem is still OCD, not what the OCD masks itself to be.

Therefore, we must treat the problem as such.

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So how do we treat OCD?

1. Relabel– This is where the sufferer “catches” OCD in the act. It calls out the thought or urge as OCD. A good rule is if there is a 1% chance of it being OCD, it is. The sufferer must treat it as such.
2. Reattribute– In this step the sufferer must reframe their thought as coming from it’s true source, OCD. “That thought is not me, it is my OCD.” It distances self from false responsibility.
3. Refocus– The sufferer then must reengage in the present moment, doing whatever they were doing as if nothing was happening. Similar to having a conversation with a car alarm blaring. It would be insane to try to shut the car alarm off with your mind. In the same way, it is equally futile to shut off OCD. The sufferer must ignore and move forward.
4. Revalue– This is the result of practicing steps 1-3. The sufferer will learn to revalue any thought they think might be OCD as such. Thus it becomes a faint car alarm that needs no attention.

As a co-sufferer, these steps have helped me immensely. However, I was not the only one in my situation that was suffering. My mom suffered immensely as she watched me go through the torment. Countless others prayed and cared and served because they hated seeing my hurt, as well. Maybe you are in a similar circumstance. In the same way that OCD shows no partiality to who it afflicts, it also shows no partiality to who it effects. So, as you suffer alongside your loved one with OCD, you need to know how to help.

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How can we help effectively? Here are some steps.

1. Show compassion. A therapist once asked me to look at how God treats people dealing with afflictions. He is tender and gentle. He is not impatient or demanding. Ask for His strength to help you treat the afflicted as He would. How would you speak with a person afflicted with cancer? OCD is an affliction.
2. Believe in your loved one. “Love believes all things.” In other words, love has hope for people. It does not give up. I had a friend who, when discussing my situation, would tell people he was excited for me to thrive when I was freed from OCD’s ensnarement. OCD recovery is a long game. It will test your patience. Prepare yourself for this battle to suffer alongside your loved one. Picture yourself as a soldier in the trenches rather than a passive observer.
3. Do NOT blame yourself. This is a silent killer. OCD is not your fault. It is not the sufferer’s fault. This could be especially difficult for parents. This is a false accusation that must be discarded.
4. Learn about OCD. Here is my Captain Obvious point of the day. It is hard to treat a problem you do not understand. Learn about OCD and its effects. You will be much better equipped to attack the problem. Below are some links that help describe OCD.

• http://hope4ocd.com/foursteps.php
• https://www.accounseling.org/ocd-adults/ (This site has been a divine provision for me and is a great resource for sufferers and supporters alike).
• https://iocdf.org/about-ocd/

5. Learn to recognize reassurance seeking. As you listen to your loved one ask you about certain issues in their life, it is imperative that you recognize when they are asking for reassurance. A few good tips are:

• Know their theme. If the questions they are asking pertain to the theme of OCD, they are asking for reassurance. Do not give that to them.
• Recognize physical signs. If their voice typically changes when they are anxious, they are asking for reassurance. If they seem very “in their head,” they are probably about to ask for reassurance. As painful as it is, you cannot give in. This will make the problem worse.
• Listen for hypothetical questions. “What if ___ happens?” “What would you do if ___?”
• If they say, “I don’t think this is OCD.” If they are confused whether a thought is from OCD or not, they must treat it as if it is. You must do the same. I guarantee you, you are not wrong.

6. Know how to respond to reassurance seeking. Better to be proactive than reactive. If you think your loved is asking for reassurance, you must say, “I think you need to use your OCD tools.” Direct them to where they will find healing, not temporary relief.

7. Reach out for help. You are not alone in this. Many people have had loved ones suffer. They can help. Likewise, there is absolutely no shame in reaching out to a professional.

At the end of the day, I am so grateful to have had my mom and others supporting me in my OCD battle. Your loved one feels the same. And they will get better if they treat the problem correctly. You have a role to play in that struggle.

Reach out if you have any questions.

-DFunk